Lifestyle Practice: Breaking the Addiction to Doing

(c) MCStrom Photos

Just about everyone carries deep, unhealed pain from childhood.  Even if we had a relatively benign childhood with no major traumas or abuse, little things happen all the time that make a deep imprint on our young psyche.  From example, perhaps, we’re crying for mommy, but she’s busy with baby brother so she doesn’t come right away.  We feel unloved, perhaps unworthy of mother’s precious love.

We all come up with strategies to get away from this pain.  For some, it’s destructive activities such as heavy use of drugs or achohol, gambling, or poronography.  I’ve never been addicted to any of these things personally, but yes, I am an addict also.  My addiction has been to doing.

I had my share of pain as a young boy, much of it stemming from my father’s sudden death when I was 5.  As a child, I never did any therapy or any sort of healing process.  The only way I knew to get away from pain was working hard in school and playing sports incessantly in my free time, always staying busy.  I did get enough A's to get into Princeton and I also won quite a few tennis matches.  But, it was exhausting.

Getting  A's at Princeton took so much effort that by junior year, I was exhausted and burned out.  That Summer, a friend gave me an amazing book called The Inner Game of Tennis by Tim Gallwey. 

When, I began applying the lifestyle practices from the book on the court, my whole life changed.

One of the key principles of the Inner Game is to use the alternation between points and breaks to maximum advantage.  For those of you who’ve never played or watched tennis, the game is structured so that after each point, there is a break of 20-30 seconds.  These gaps in activity offer a wonderful opportunity to drop into a non-doing mode.

My old habit was to use this precious time to think about the last point, perhaps beating myself up if I’d missed an easy shot, or to worry about the next point.   From Tim, I learned how to drop into the Present.  I brought awareness to breath, watching the alternation between inhalation and exhalation.  I looked at the trees, listened to the birds.  Simply enjoyed a beautiful moment of non-doing.

Almost immediately, I noticed a dramatic difference in my experience while playing the points.  Rather than being uptight, afraid of missing, I was very relaxed, simply enjoying watching and hitting ball.  I not only had way more fun, but also played a lot better.

That was the beginning of my recovery process from my addiction to doing.  As 12-steppers will tell you, recovery is a long journey.  Mine has been a very rich one.  I spent years doing tons of meditation, and spending large amounts of time in nature, getting as far away as possible from the busyness of the working world.  Eventually, during one of my camping retreats on Mount Shasta, I had a vision to move to Washington, DC and start a nonprofit. 

 In my next blog, I’ll share about how I learned to apply the alternation between doing and non-doing in that job.

Andrew Oser has been offering spiritual life coaching, along with guided retreats on Mount Shasta since 1982.   Through hikes to little-known sacred sites, guided meditations, spiritual life coaching, and time drinking in the silence of the mountain, he helps clients to deeply renew themselves in body, mind, and spirit and receive clear vision for their lives.  For more info, please see www.mountshastaretreat.net

Rhythms of Life: Doing and Nondoing

Alternation is a natural rhythm that is woven into the fabric of life on this planet.  We go back and forth between day and night and the seasons of the year.  By tuning into and aligning ourselves with alternation, we can come into deeper harmony with life.  When alternation is not naturally present, by creating it, we bring our lives into greater balance

Consciously alternating between doing and nondoing is a very powerful lifestyle practice.  It can free us from attachments and habits and transform the quality of our experience.

In our society, with its outside-in orientation, doing and achieving are generally valued more highly than nondoing and being.  We are constantly in motion, trying to make things happen the way we want them to happen.  We become human doings, identifying with our accomplishments rather our state of being.

This approach is very stressful.  We put ourselves under continual pressure to perform.  This self-imposed pressure often leads to erratic performance, not to mention unhappiness.

The antidote for this is to take frequent breaks from activity.  Be still for a moment and check in with yourself.  If there is an accumulation of stress in your body/mind, let yourself feel that for a moment.   Notice what is without judging or resisting.  Then, put your attention on the one who is noticing.  Take a moment or two to relax into yourself, feeling that sense of peaceful awareness that’s always present, just waiting for you to slow down enough to notice it once again.

When you resume activity, the movement will come from a very different place than before.  It will tend to be effortless and natural, perhaps even joyful.  The stress that comes from pushing yourself will be gone.

In my next blog, I’ll have more say about the benefits of this lifestyle practice and how to make it a regular part of your life.

Success Strategy: Playing Life Inside Out

(c) MCStrom Photos

There are two ways to play the game of life—outside-in and inside-out.

We live in a culture which is heavily oriented toward outside-in.  Unfortunately that’s a losing strategy.  When we seek happiness. through relationships, money, achievements, etc, we are setting ourselves up for a life of struggle and stress.  When we don’t have the things we think we need, we’re unhappy. Even when the circumstances of our lives are to our liking, we’ll be afraid they won’t last.

Fortunately there is a another option, inside-out.  This means making our inner objectives the priority.  Unlike the outer stuff which is constantly changing, coming and going, the inner riches are always present.  Finding them is really just a matter of breaking our habit of looking outside,  bringing our attention inside, and finding that what we most deeply yearn for is already here.

When we play inside out, we’re freed up to play our best in the outer game.  Let me give an example.  Say you’re playing tennis (a game I’ve spent umpteen hours playing and coaching).  If you’re playing outside-in, you’re focused mainly on the score.  You put a lot of pressure on yourself to win.  Because of this,  your strokes are likely to be tight and not as consistent as they could be.  You certainly aren’t enjoying the game fully.   If you do win, you might experience some momentary relieve, but probably not real joy.  If you lose, you’ll be miserable.

On the other hand, if you go out on the court with the goal of simply having fun and enjoying hitting the ball, then you’ll be relaxed.  Your strokes will be fluid and natural.  You’ll play your best while having a great time.  Of course, you still might lose the match if your opponent is a better player than you, but this won’t disturb your happiness.

The same principle works in a job interview.  If you’re desperate for the job, you’ll be nervous and won’t be at the top of your game.  If you walk in focused on enjoying getting to know the interviewer, you’ll relax, connect deeply, and do your best.   It may happen that someone else is much better qualified and gets the job, but you’ll have won the inner game and played your best in the outer game, which is all you can truly ask for, in the outer game.

So, which strategy will you choose, outside-in or inside-out?

Andrew Oser has been offering spiritual life coaching, along with guided retreats on Mount Shasta since 1982.   Through hikes to little-known sacred sites, guided meditations, spiritual life coaching, and time drinking in the silence of the mountain, he helps clients to deeply renew themselves in body, mind, and spirit and receive clear vision for their lives.

Spiritual Life Coaching: What's Your #1 Priority for 2015?

When a New Year begins,  a  powerful wave of energy is unleashed.  You can ride this wave in whatever direction you choose.  

Are you clear about what your top priority is for 2015?  If not, I encourage you to take some time to look deeply at this before we get much further into the New Year.

As you reflect, you might want to write down several of your highest priorities and come up with a short list.  To determine, which priority is truly your highest, pick any two items from the list and ask if you could have just one of these, which would you choose.  For example, perhaps you have good health and increasing your income by 50% on your list.  If you could have just one, which would you choose?

Whichever of the two wins out, test it against another priority on your list.  Keep doing this until you’ve come up with your # 1 priority.

Once you determine your top priority, it will be in one of two broad categories, inner (peace, love, freedom, etc.)  and outer (money, relationship, job, etc.). 

If you find that your #1 priority is in the inner realm,  this is a great blessing.  Give thanks  and know that if you truly dedicate yourself to this priority, nothing can stop can you. 

 

Trust that if you make the inner game your priority, you will be freed up to play whatever outer games you are drawn to with increasing ease and grace.  As the great master, Jesus, put it, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Whatever you are seeking in your inner experience is available NOW.  The gifts of spirit are offered only in the present.   The key is breaking the habit of being constantly distracted by thoughts, sensations, and events and bringing your attention deeply into the present.

There are, of course, many ways to do this.  Here are three simple keys that might be useful

1)      When you awaken each morning, before doing anything, take at least a few minutes to deeply focus within,  setting a tone for the day

2)      Take frequent short breaks, no matter how busy you are, to remember your top priority and bring attention back into the present

3)      Set time aside for at least one longer spiritual retreat and several short retreats during the year.

If  your #1priority is in the outer realm, embrace this reality.  Visualize yourself accomplishing/having this priority.  Imagine how that might feel and experience that feeling Now as deeply as you can.

Then, ask yourself, "What are the most powerful steps I can take today or this week to move toward tmy priority?"  As you take these steps, do your best to stay in the present without attachment to outcomes.  Remember that life is a game and, as much as possible, enjoy the challenge of pursuing your dream in 2015.

Andrew Oser has been offering spiritual life coaching, along with guided retreats on Mount Shasta since 1982.   Through hikes to little-known sacred sites, guided meditations, spiritual life coaching, and time drinking in the silence of the mountain, he helps clients to deeply renew themselves in body, mind, and spirit and receive clear vision for their lives.